Warning!

WARNING!! Don't read this if you have anything better to do.

Today I don't really know how I feel. Again. One moment I feel like crying, the next moment I feel like worrying. In between I feel lost and confused, kind of like I want to squeeze my head at the temples until something gives.

I just put in my favorite Bill Laswell remix, Emerald Aether: Shape Shifting. If you don't have it, haven't heard it, or never heard of Bill Laswell [search results link]- and you're reading this - you might want to check it out. He is a down-beat master. Absolutely. He could probably remix a whispering rock. You may be able to refute 100% of what I write but you cannot refute this.

I like this actually, even through the dripping mists of depression. It's strangely comforting to just write out of my head. It's concurrently discomforting, as well, realizing that in a matter of minutes virtually anyone will be able to just randomly find my expressions and read them at will. There's an awful lot of confidence to be found there, though. I just recognized that. I think I'll be more concerned about improving my grammar than fretting over the acceptance of my content. Hopefully no one will care if I only use one space behind my periods. That extra one has always seemed like a complete waste of space. I remember when I asked my typing teacher, she told me that's just the way it was and that's how she graded it. Think of all the time secretaries could have saved by omitting that extra tap on the space bar. To the business world that would have saved millions of dollars. Anyway, even though this whole operation is public...well, you still can't see my eyes. Seeing my thoughts is as close as you'll get. In any case, it's a good excuse to practice typing. It's almost better than IM'ing or chatting. But the truly independent sensation is hard to beat.

I was reading about blogs in Wired a while ago. The blogs I have visited have all been interesting in one way or another but each time I found myself asking, "Why am I reading this, anyway?" After checking out quite a few I figured on putting my own down, at least until I get bored or whatever. So there you go. Go ahead and ask yourself (if you haven't already), "Why am I reading this, anyway?" I wonder what answer you'll get.

Before I go, let me muster a few positive thoughts in care of Joey.
Joey, whatever is going on with you, I know that there is at least one angel watching over you now, relaying peace to your direction.
Joey, whoever you are, I know that there is at least one positive outcome for your present circumstances. I know that you will see it.
Joey, wherever you are, I know that there are easier rows to hoe. I know that you will find real comfort somewhere soon.
Anyone who read this far, please send out some positive energy for Joey. I saw the same request as follows: (pay it forward)
"If you've any spare positive thoughts over the next few days, Ken and I would appreciate it if you sent them out into the universe in care of Joey. Thanks."
I saw it at: *Joey* on 2004.02.29."

So that about wraps up for today. Funny, I don't feel quite as 'head-squeezy' as I did when I started. I know Bill Laswell [different link] helped but this was good, too. Now, off to see my first post!! CYA

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To live is to wonder.
To wonder is to live.
sds